Do I need to force the child to apologize
• Do I need to force the child to apologize
A new study suggests that it is not necessary to force the child to apologize, yet he did not feel guilty. Otherwise, the very meaning of an apology - to express regret and to improve relations - lost, because children may dislike the one who apologizes to them, even more than before.
In the new study, the researchers sought to determine whether the children see the difference between forced and sincere repentance, and they see. The findings suggest that the study of ways to help your child learn to empathize with the victim, thus providing a sincere apology, more constructively, rather than immediately force him reluctant to apologize.
"Make sure that the child understands why the other person feels hurt, and he's really ready to say" I'm sorry. " And only then ask your child to apologize, "- said study author Craig Smith, a researcher at the Center for Growth and Human Development at the University of Michigan.
"Forcing a child to an apology would lead to the opposite effect. Other children will not love someone who is forced to apologize to them. In this case, an apology is losing its academic status, and this goal is an apology as an aid for your child to express regret, to soothe someone's feelings, also lost. "
The burden of guilt
Smith and his colleagues looked at how children aged 4 to 9 years perceive 3 scenarios apologize to peer: an apology on their own; apology, which pushed, but still made of their own accord; forced apology.
Scientists have found that children are equally perceived apology on their own, whether he realized the child or the parents suggested. But the forced apologies were not helpful, especially in children aged 7 to 9 years. All the children thought that guilty feeling worse after such an apology than before. In this case, children aged 7 to 9 years old believed that these feelings are caused by personal interest (fear of punishment, for example), rather than repentance.
Children of all ages also thought that the victims feel better, having received a sincere apology. In this case, those apologize to anyone yourself, feel more satisfied than those in front of whom were forced to apologize.
How can parents do to help their kids sympathize man whom they are upset, and finally sincerely apologize?
"If your child is not worried about this, help him to understand how the other person feels and why, - says Smith. - apology - just one way of explanation, but a great many. The study showed that even doshkolyata appreciate the actions more than words. "